Last Word ♥ 17.11.2009 - 02.07.2013

Everything has become past tense...
I appreciate what you have done to make me happy in the past few years including memorable birthdays and how you try to get what I wanted...
I always felt we can be together as you are able to be so patient to me...
The patience has fade as time pass..

At the same time, I'm disappointed and angry with your lies...
Lies that can be seen clearly...
I may be cruel to end this 4 years relationship...
You are even more cruel to take for granted of me forgiving you endlessly and easily,
Taking in your lies, Finding better excuses for you and even try letting you go in doing things that you adore...
You can make everyone believing in your stories, but you know deep down you lied...
You can tell me ridiculous reasons that make me believe, but I can see clearly what had happened...
You have the ability to make girls to feel pity about you and comfort you the way you wanted all these while...
Words come out from my mouth can be too direct, can be cruel, but you'll never know how much I care compared to girls that comfort you with sweet words...

You wanted me to regret in losing you, but I rather to regret on why I didn't know you better and see you clearly in the beginning than to keep getting hurt this way....
You may tell the world I cheat on you once, but you are the one who decided to be with me and I did my best as your girlfriend...
Ask yourself when did I ever make you feel insecure when did I let you get into troubles that are unnecessary when did I make you feel I'm not trust-able...??
You can tell the world about my temper, how bad I treat you, how much I controlled you, but hopefully they able to see that all this while I've been faithful in this relationship...
You can tell the world how happy am I after the break up, I guess I never wanna explained about this as only I know deep down how I feel...
I can hide even my heart has broken into pieces, I can hide even my heart is pouring with tears...
There isn't any reason to simply cry and be upset infront of people to get pity...
There isn't any reason to affect your friends or family with sadness...
Other people don't have to feel sad with you or for you whenever you are sad...
Thus, this is not even necessary...

Last but not least, I never knew loving someone was to make her regret after losing you...
Sometimes, I couldn't believe this words come out from your mouth...
I don't even know why you were trying to warn me on what my friend had said about me in my back and meanwhile telling me you din't want to spoil the friendship between me and my friend... *this doesn't make sense*
Weren't you already spoil the friendship between me and her by warning me?
I always thought loving someone was to be more selfless and feel happy as long as the person you love is happy...
I guess all these only happen in fairy tales and dramas. *I should be awake by now*

Thank you for adoring me & pampered me when we first fall in love.
Thank you for making part of my fairy tale come true.
This relationship ended wasn't only your fault, but is you and me.
The love will be end by here by now, somehow I will still say "I Miss The You With Full of Patience".
I hope I did at least made you the happiest man on Earth for once ♥

Family? Boyfriend? Friends? Best Friends?

What makes the different when you guys treat me like how any other strangers would have treated me?

What makes you guys special and deserve an important position in my heart?

Since there isn't any different then why special status [family, boyfriend, friends, best friends]?

Why differentiate relationships when it is just the same?

女生，有时哭真的不用任何原因。。
不是我爱哭，而那只是一种让我发泄的方式。。
真的觉得好累好累，总觉得我的命运就是照顾别人，永远只想带别人的感受。。
什么时候才是别人顾及到我的时候？
一直努力的我，难道有错吗？
为了自己的成绩而努力的人，就是书呆子吗？
我从来就不是一个整天在家读书的人，只不过是为了自己的前途着想才不敢放肆。。
在你们看不起我的当时，有想过我背后的故事吗？
你们这些不努力就可以得到一切的人又怎么会明白付出了没有回报的感受？
有钱就可以看不起别人吗？你们为什不看看自己只靠家里钱来生活的人，不用努力也无所谓？

肤浅！

为什么我还是坚守着这份没有安全感而感到累的爱情？
为什么总是硬着头皮相信这一切会有所改变？

或许是身边发生的一切让我不得已失去安全感？
一直迁就着让我觉得很累。。
你口中一直提起的“忘记”， 说的倒是容易，因为一直受伤的是我。
机会已经给了，为什么就是不能好好珍惜这一切？
为什么错误的事你还是不停的重犯，不停的道歉，不停的说我把事情看得太严重。
而不是你把每件事都看得太轻？

当我告诉你我筹备了你的生日想要让你开心，得到的却是：
" 不是告诉你不用准备我的生日了吗。"

为什么每一段爱情都让我觉得好累？
难道坚强的女生就不需要男生的呵护？

你怎么每次自以为自己对我很好？
你重来就只知道你自己的感受。。
我呢？

Payphone - Maroon 5 (Jayesslee Cover)

Prince is gone, thus princess no longer exist.
I always hope everything will be fine.
The more I hope and I wish, the greater the disappointment, upset, anger, hurt that I got.
Didn't know this was coming, didn't know this was the last dinner we had.
Although I always say break up, but I always do hope you will hold me tight and never let go.
There's no turning back anymore.
I thought everything will be fine after the dinner.
I really thought you're trying to save this relationship.
You never know how long I've been staying strong, not to leave this relationship behind.
Everyday I worry and I care.
I try to warn you when troubles is ahead of you.
I try to help whenever things don't strike your mind.
Give you chance, believe that you're really under pressure that's why you did all these to me.
In return, I got nothing but pain I got nothing but being alone again.
I lost my sincere smile.
I lost the happiness in me.
I lost the active side of me.

Everything is end today when something happen.
No longer able to give in and be understanding.
Couldn't find any excuses for you anymore.
Couldn't find any reasons to forgive anymore.
"Sorry" and "promises" means nothing anymore.
There's no turning back anymore.
Do not wanna be yelled by anyone that hurt me anymore.
I guess I'm just a dummy or toy to you.
Why I'm always the one got hurt and feel pain?
Why I'm always the one being played out after sacrificing much?

-WHERE ARE THE PLANS WE MADE FOR TWO-

 ='[

I always thought you can be the one in my life.

I always thought you will grab me tight.

Even how many times I try to loosen my hands, I hope you're there to hold me back and hug me tight.

Nowadays, happiness of a princess never appears anymore.

It seems like everything is gone.

The smile she have once he gave 2 years ago never appear anymore.

Everything smile and happy moment is just a past tense and memories.

It doesn't seem like you care anymore whether I'm still there or not.

Whether I decided to leave or not. :')

The more I try to stay in your heart the more your heart try to put me away.

Never know how long we could hang on this way.

The charm the attractiveness the patience you've once had, has been far gone from my memories.

It's been almost 2 months argue, cold war, argue on and off.

Don't you ever realize how I felt ?

Once hurt become pain then become scar, it will remain forever.

When too much scars going on, eventually I don't feel anything anymore.

Why the happiness gone why the bond between us is like there and like its not there?

You should lie down on your bed and really think about it.

How much I don't wanna hurt you, but the hurt that you've done on me is more than what you're looking on me now.
Everytime single look at you just make me feel pain. :')

Celebrated 21st belated birthday with family.
Although it wasn't an expensive ones, at least they have the heart for me.
My mum even purposely bring me out just to get me a small cake as she know I wasn't been happy for my 21st birthday.
I know deep down in their heart they wish to see the happy me.

But

Deep down in my heart I really wish that the you I know will be back.
Will be the happy us again.
Will care and concern about me again.
Will put me in the first place again.
I really wish that you are right here with me.
Even physically you are not here, I just hope your heart is with me.
Every birthday cakes with candles I've been wished for the same wishes.
For us and for my family.

=')

-AlwaysWaitingAndMissingYou-

Struggling.
Everything will be better?
When?
Mum say I will be able to go through all these obstacles..

-FeelingDepressed-

Everything is gone.
My dream to be your princess is gone.
Hope your burdens, troubles, and frustration will be lessen after I leave.
There will be a new guardian angel by your side to support you and give you ideas.
Thank you for being with me when I'm sick for the past 2 years.
No matter how hard it is to make me happy you will try your best to make me happy.
I'm always being emo before you came into my life.
You are the one who make me SMILE again. =')

-IHateMySelfForBeingSuchInsecure-

Heartache

Please forgive me if I leave someday..
It's never been that I Don't Love You..
I always love you since the first day I met you in my life..
You attracted me from first sight..
Everything just changed..
I can tell myself to continue wait and to hold on to you..
But my heart couldn't stand the pain of being neglected..
=')

When you're gone, pieces of my heart I'm missing you.
You're just treating me like a joke and make fun of me today. :'(

21st Birthday

It can be the worse birthday in my life or at least in these 21 years.
Without proper wish sharp at 12am, special cake with candles, nor a birthday song.
Although I'm able to make a wish for the last minute, the cake with candles are just from my housemates.
I'm happy that they celebrate with me.
But I will be the happiest girl on earth if the one who celebrated with me was you, the one I love.

-You'llNeverKnowHowHurtItIs-

Have you ever feel that someone is beside you but you can't feel his heart is with you?
Have you ever feel that someone is beside you but you can't feel his heart beating with you?
Have you ever feel that you always know you have him beside you but you are telling yourself prepare to leave anytime as he could leave you any moment from now?
Have you ever feel that he is beside you but you don't dare to hold him tight nor hug him tight?
Have you ever feel that you just want him to be with you but you couldn't do anything about it even how hard you try or how much effort you give in?
Have you ever feel that he is with you but you wan't him to be the one that hold you first, hug you first and talk to you first?
Have you ever feel that you wanna be the only one in his eyes and in his heart?

:')

-KoaLaIsAlwaysLovingYouButYouDon'tKnow-