Family? Boyfriend? Friends? Best Friends?

What makes the different when you guys treat me like how any other strangers would have treated me?

What makes you guys special and deserve an important position in my heart?

Since there isn't any different then why special status [family, boyfriend, friends, best friends]?

Why differentiate relationships when it is just the same?

女生，有时哭真的不用任何原因。。
不是我爱哭，而那只是一种让我发泄的方式。。
真的觉得好累好累，总觉得我的命运就是照顾别人，永远只想带别人的感受。。
什么时候才是别人顾及到我的时候？
一直努力的我，难道有错吗？
为了自己的成绩而努力的人，就是书呆子吗？
我从来就不是一个整天在家读书的人，只不过是为了自己的前途着想才不敢放肆。。
在你们看不起我的当时，有想过我背后的故事吗？
你们这些不努力就可以得到一切的人又怎么会明白付出了没有回报的感受？
有钱就可以看不起别人吗？你们为什不看看自己只靠家里钱来生活的人，不用努力也无所谓？

肤浅！

为什么我还是坚守着这份没有安全感而感到累的爱情？
为什么总是硬着头皮相信这一切会有所改变？

或许是身边发生的一切让我不得已失去安全感？
一直迁就着让我觉得很累。。
你口中一直提起的“忘记”， 说的倒是容易，因为一直受伤的是我。
机会已经给了，为什么就是不能好好珍惜这一切？
为什么错误的事你还是不停的重犯，不停的道歉，不停的说我把事情看得太严重。
而不是你把每件事都看得太轻？

当我告诉你我筹备了你的生日想要让你开心，得到的却是：
" 不是告诉你不用准备我的生日了吗。"

为什么每一段爱情都让我觉得好累？
难道坚强的女生就不需要男生的呵护？

你怎么每次自以为自己对我很好？
你重来就只知道你自己的感受。。
我呢？

Payphone - Maroon 5 (Jayesslee Cover)

Prince is gone, thus princess no longer exist.
I always hope everything will be fine.
The more I hope and I wish, the greater the disappointment, upset, anger, hurt that I got.
Didn't know this was coming, didn't know this was the last dinner we had.
Although I always say break up, but I always do hope you will hold me tight and never let go.
There's no turning back anymore.
I thought everything will be fine after the dinner.
I really thought you're trying to save this relationship.
You never know how long I've been staying strong, not to leave this relationship behind.
Everyday I worry and I care.
I try to warn you when troubles is ahead of you.
I try to help whenever things don't strike your mind.
Give you chance, believe that you're really under pressure that's why you did all these to me.
In return, I got nothing but pain I got nothing but being alone again.
I lost my sincere smile.
I lost the happiness in me.
I lost the active side of me.

Everything is end today when something happen.
No longer able to give in and be understanding.
Couldn't find any excuses for you anymore.
Couldn't find any reasons to forgive anymore.
"Sorry" and "promises" means nothing anymore.
There's no turning back anymore.
Do not wanna be yelled by anyone that hurt me anymore.
I guess I'm just a dummy or toy to you.
Why I'm always the one got hurt and feel pain?
Why I'm always the one being played out after sacrificing much?

-WHERE ARE THE PLANS WE MADE FOR TWO-

 ='[

I always thought you can be the one in my life.

I always thought you will grab me tight.

Even how many times I try to loosen my hands, I hope you're there to hold me back and hug me tight.

Nowadays, happiness of a princess never appears anymore.

It seems like everything is gone.

The smile she have once he gave 2 years ago never appear anymore.

Everything smile and happy moment is just a past tense and memories.

It doesn't seem like you care anymore whether I'm still there or not.

Whether I decided to leave or not. :')

The more I try to stay in your heart the more your heart try to put me away.

Never know how long we could hang on this way.

The charm the attractiveness the patience you've once had, has been far gone from my memories.

It's been almost 2 months argue, cold war, argue on and off.

Don't you ever realize how I felt ?

Once hurt become pain then become scar, it will remain forever.

When too much scars going on, eventually I don't feel anything anymore.

Why the happiness gone why the bond between us is like there and like its not there?

You should lie down on your bed and really think about it.

How much I don't wanna hurt you, but the hurt that you've done on me is more than what you're looking on me now.
Everytime single look at you just make me feel pain. :')

Celebrated 21st belated birthday with family.
Although it wasn't an expensive ones, at least they have the heart for me.
My mum even purposely bring me out just to get me a small cake as she know I wasn't been happy for my 21st birthday.
I know deep down in their heart they wish to see the happy me.

But

Deep down in my heart I really wish that the you I know will be back.
Will be the happy us again.
Will care and concern about me again.
Will put me in the first place again.
I really wish that you are right here with me.
Even physically you are not here, I just hope your heart is with me.
Every birthday cakes with candles I've been wished for the same wishes.
For us and for my family.

=')

-AlwaysWaitingAndMissingYou-

Struggling.
Everything will be better?
When?
Mum say I will be able to go through all these obstacles..

-FeelingDepressed-

Everything is gone.
My dream to be your princess is gone.
Hope your burdens, troubles, and frustration will be lessen after I leave.
There will be a new guardian angel by your side to support you and give you ideas.
Thank you for being with me when I'm sick for the past 2 years.
No matter how hard it is to make me happy you will try your best to make me happy.
I'm always being emo before you came into my life.
You are the one who make me SMILE again. =')

-IHateMySelfForBeingSuchInsecure-

Heartache

Please forgive me if I leave someday..
It's never been that I Don't Love You..
I always love you since the first day I met you in my life..
You attracted me from first sight..
Everything just changed..
I can tell myself to continue wait and to hold on to you..
But my heart couldn't stand the pain of being neglected..
=')

When you're gone, pieces of my heart I'm missing you.
You're just treating me like a joke and make fun of me today. :'(

21st Birthday

It can be the worse birthday in my life or at least in these 21 years.
Without proper wish sharp at 12am, special cake with candles, nor a birthday song.
Although I'm able to make a wish for the last minute, the cake with candles are just from my housemates.
I'm happy that they celebrate with me.
But I will be the happiest girl on earth if the one who celebrated with me was you, the one I love.

-You'llNeverKnowHowHurtItIs-

Have you ever feel that someone is beside you but you can't feel his heart is with you?
Have you ever feel that someone is beside you but you can't feel his heart beating with you?
Have you ever feel that you always know you have him beside you but you are telling yourself prepare to leave anytime as he could leave you any moment from now?
Have you ever feel that he is beside you but you don't dare to hold him tight nor hug him tight?
Have you ever feel that you just want him to be with you but you couldn't do anything about it even how hard you try or how much effort you give in?
Have you ever feel that he is with you but you wan't him to be the one that hold you first, hug you first and talk to you first?
Have you ever feel that you wanna be the only one in his eyes and in his heart?

:')

-KoaLaIsAlwaysLovingYouButYouDon'tKnow-

已经无法用言语表达自己内心的感觉。
或许已经麻木了。
偶尔会问自己为什么还是爱着你。
当初说过要变得洒脱一些的我到底去了哪里。
难道我的一生就是被自己的爱情克着。
就是爱情两个字能让我的生活过得那么难过。
是我变得太在乎，还是你变得不在乎。
为什么在你眼里我的一切就这样消失了。
我们将近三年的感情赢不了这小小的挫折？

不管怎样我还是逃脱不了陷进过深的感情。

I wonder how much longer we can stay like this.
Sorry for not being PERFECT enough for you.
=)
微笑的过日子吧， 苇娴.

When can I end all this unhappiness between us.
When can I have the time of you and me.
When can I really assure that you really love me and will sacrifice everything for me.
When can I just have a simple and happy relationship without fear and insecure.
When can I always be your first one your priority.
When can I just feel safe and go on my life.
When can I get most attention, love and care from you.
Why is it always my effort is not enough to save us.
Why is it always I need to put in so so much effort till I feel collapsing.
Why is it always I who step out for the first step.

我真的累了。
我一直只要求安稳的生活。
只要一个能爱我关心我呵护我保护我的男朋友。
现在的我只希望你的一切会顺利。
我会过着一个像单身的生活。
伤的伤，痛的痛，这些你都不会明白。
你所说过的，是我内心深处的一道伤痕。
再也不会痊愈。

总是感到不安
总是感到无意中地被排侧

生活得开心或不开心也许是个人的选择
可是到底什么时候让我有选择的余地

在这里生活总是过得非常压力，非常难熬。
没有选择的权利，没有能让自己开心的事。
从来没有觉得自己有办法在这里自然的微笑。
在这里真正认识我的也寥寥无几。

微笑吧，苇娴。=)

我一直以为“爱情”可以很简单。
以为爱情就是可以单纯地彼此爱着对方，保护对方，呵护对方。
时间久了，就会发现现实生活中的爱情并没那么简单。
各个方面都需要去了解，去明白，去解决，去包容，去体谅。

爱情可以很现实。
爱情可以很脆弱。
爱情可以在三秒种的时间结束。
爱情可以彼此欺骗着对方，而谁也不知道何时是真何时是假。
爱情原本是这样的吗？

爱情需要很费时的去经营。
可是就可以在短短几秒钟结束。
残酷？同情？可怕？
爱情可以不用原因开始也可以不知道原因结束。

I'm afraid of seeing things too clearly..
I'm afraid of knowing too much..
I'm afraid of understanding too much..

I'm afraid of loosing him..
I'm afraid of getting hurt again without any reason..
At least not with the reason "I Don't Know"..

Once I got dump for no reason no respond..
I'm afraid..
Once I have third party with the reason "I can't stand you anymore"..
I'm afraid ever since everything happen..
Nobody will understand how I feel every night.. 
The feeling of don't dare to close my eyes and sleep well..

I hate to get dump after what I had given in..
I hate it when it is without any reason..
I hate it when I know something but I just can pretend..
I hate it when I don't know what I did wrong and deserve such punishments..
The more I know the scarier, evil this world to me..

What A Guy Couldn't See In A Girl

Boy : I broke up with her.


His Best Friend : What happened?


Boy : She’s just too much for me.


His Best Friend: What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?


Boy : Well, for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..


His Best Friend : So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see..


Boy : Oh.. Well..She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to smoke, not to drink. She’s so clingy!


His Best Friend : So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..

Boy : But.. Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!


His Best Friend : So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..

Boy : I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her.

His Best Friend : So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see..


Boy : Well, she..


His Best Friend : You broke up with her because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?


Boy : I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me?


His Best Friend : You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S what happened..

I'm back in my sweet hometown after 3 days 2 nights in Kukup and Muar.
Special thanks to dai lou Kinz.
Had a wonderful trip there.
No doubt that the seafood there are yummylicious.
Won't be describing with word due to laziness. *teehee*
Pictures describes everything, every emotions, every moments.

This picture will be perfect if the 2 guys below were in it. They are the photographer *applause*

Click on the picture to have a better view of it.

                                     
                                     

For this 2 pretty girls above, I adore them lots.

Lynn was the one always listen to me and be there for me. *not everytime*

Tiang Ning, like I say I woudn't know another girl like her in any corner on the Earth. She is a girl with a cute personality. She join us even she had transferred to INTI. However she is still the cutest girl ever.

Food!! The pictures show it all. YUMMYLICIOUS!!

I slept for almost 12 hours last night.
Now I should start doing something.

To do list:
Sleep and Wake early.
Jog every morning around my house.
Search for FYP stuff.
Eat and drink Well.

The feeling of packing is we are heading to somewhere we don't wanna be known.
To where?
Perhaps happiness is to where I intended.
It might also be not what we intended all this while.
It might just bring you into a nightmare.

-KoaLa-

The Band Perry - If I Die Young

This is how I feel now.
Wish to die so that some day someone will notice me.
Someone will at least care and think of me sometimes.
Think of what they did to me.
Perhaps lost of me wouldn't bring any huge effects.
At least some people will remember me forever.

Boys Like Girls - The Great Escape

This is how I feel now, Escape escape and escape from everything that I couldn't do anything about it.
I wanna go shopping, in the end being left out by them again.
I'm not blaming anyone, just blaming myself to not ask earlier.
How stupid!

Can you just go away?
What have you give me for the past 2 years?
Tired Tired Tired
From the beginning I give in all the support I can to you.
But what you give me?
You break down everytime I was there with you.
I break down, where the hell are you?
In your dream?
I had enough of you! I ain't gonna suffer myself and give in anymore!
I'm born by my mum to gain happiness!
Not torture by you! I've done more than enough for you!
You tired you get to sleep, I tired I still need to finish up my work my exams!
FML!
p/s: find someone else to torture find someone else to express the way you love find a girl that can bear with betrayal and get cheated infront of her face and eyes!

Its 3:50 a.m. I just bath and wash my hair under bloody cold water, I'm more unwilling to do so than you just not getting enough sleep!

Yeah! Done with my extremely stressful exam.
p/s: just me being too over stressful over one final paper.

Haha =]

One ends another starting. Hell Yea FYP. -.-

Yes, I wonder how they can be an obsess to a guy?

With fake of everything and they are perfect?

Yes, they are attractive and interesting.

Which girl don't want to be like them be dream of a guy?

I wonder every girl can bear with bf being obsess? or it just me.

If its just me. Then yea, I've got nothing to say anyway.

Seriously, trying to accept. Can I don't choose between accept and not accept?

As perfect as they can be, I feel irritated and annoyed for some reasons.

Not to say I'm anti-SNSD, just anti-being-obsessive!

*mind blown*

Good Morning Bloggie~
Rise and shine..
Today is the day, just another sem with one day of FINALS.
*who cares*
I'm pretty cares about each and every exams going on.
Unlike others, I'm labelled as the "STRESS GIRL".
I don't even know why, can't I born to be just having a stress face?
Anyway, I will be heading to my exam venue soon in the afternoon..

To be continue...

Stop Caring Stop Mind About Other Things.
*stupid me*
Focus On You Exam!

14 Hours to go... Please let it just pass like a blink of eye..
*sound ridiculous* *slap myself*

The situation has become tensed up again.
Totally having a tough time.
*last day to study*
I really don't wanna always be like this.
I doubt that we know what to do with us.
"Go with the flow" not gonna work.
At least now is not working.
Can't you see!
You know everything about yourself your stuff your life.
What about what I want, my life.
Isn't you are the one choose me in the beginning?
Isn't what we promised each other means something to you?
Do I mean something to you after 2 years.

Should I be proud to always be the longest gf? *what's the point*

Today is the day.
Supposed to be FYP title release day.
But, some people say it will postponed to tomorrow,
some people say it will be released later, some people say...
*sigh*
Now, I'm in campus already.
The thing is I don't know what to do. -.-


Yesterday night was terrible and scary.
Rain storm, strong wind and scary sounds.
Is as though the whole thing gonna be blown off.
>.< *shivering*

Good night dear bloggie =]
I guess you are the best listener ever.
At least I can find you whenever I want, wherever I want.
You'll never be too busy to listen to me! Unlike somebody!

Don't Stress Don't Stress!

smile .. don't you dare stress ..

Dinner is done.
Back to study.
Stay STRONG for 2 more days.
Then you'll be FINE.
Always try to SMILE.


To Do List During Holiday:
Shopping
Stay in Starbucks whole afternoon
Sleep well and early
Eat nice food
 =] to be continue.....

Tomorrow is the day. FYP title release..!!

Somehow I'm worry because I know where is my capability.