My Relationship..Deep Pain In My Heart...

Years by years...
Days by days...

I've been with my BF for bout 4 YEARS rd...
After all the arguing n happiness...
All the break up-ing...
V had break up for 3 TIMES rd...
I still clearly remember the last break up was on 7th NOVEMBER 2008...
Does tis date look familiar to u..??
No..??
I'll tell u...
It was 3 days b4 SPM...

V get bck 2gather after I'm release from PLKN, Maran...
I still remember the first movie v watch as a fren...
Weird..??
The movie was SUCKz...[Watchmen]
OMG...
First time I watch a movie half way then escape from cinema...
Damn bored...
Then v go TC...
Wat happen at TC...
Well u know...
The normal thing la...[Do not think dirty]
Now is about 3 MONTHS rd...
V been so happy...

Till now...
I jz came to Melacca...
Arguing starts my nitemare starts...
He smokes once bt he didn't tell me...
As my fren u all will know how sensitive am I towards SMOKING...
Start argue...
Once he ask me y cant I accept him for SMOKING...
Even his fren ask me...
Y should I...??
If I ask bck u y cant u get rid of tat STUPID thing cuz of me...
Can u..??
The answer will be "NO"...
I was so disappointed in him...
I say to him can I accept him bck after he get rid of it...
Argue again...
He feel tat I had give up of him...
In fact I'm not...
If he understand me...
He will know y I did tat...
My heart was torn when I say tat...
His frenz r blaming me for arguing with him...
Y..??
Cuz when he bad mood his fren have to c his face do ppl [do things according to his mood]...
And his fren ask me don't always argue with him...
Wat..
Do I look like the ppl tat like to argue...
After tat...
Our argue became blaming...
In the end he blame me for making him cant stop the STUPID thing...
Ya...
It looks like I'm the one who make him smoke N make him cant stop SMOKING...
He say after the argue bout he didn't tell me he smoke...
After I say I dunno whether love him anot n still wan him quit SMOKING...
After I say can I accept bck him after he get rid of tat thing....
He rd no heart in quit-ing SMOKING...
I try so hard talk with him...

In the end...
The useless me beg for his forgiveness N ask him for couple bck...
I jz don't wan to lost him...
U all will think I'm stupid...
Bt the fact is he really been CARED n UNDERSTAND me...
I always MOODY without reason n SCOLD him...
Now all I can do is...
Let him do wat he likes...
I won't mumbling him around rd...
U won't believe tat I actually accept him as a smoker rd...
Disappointed..??
Yes I am...
Nobody should b blame now...
Its my choice...
I'm the one stuck myself in his life...
Now I'm jz a girl in his life tat will be with him no matter wat happen...
Bt without campur tangan in his thing...
To me I don't look like a Gf to him...
Better say a fren tat looks like a Gf...
Now I can't control his thing nor give him advice rd...
I'm useless...
He will think I'm too noisy in his life...
Better b tat quiete person in his life...
Now I really can't c our future rd...
Bt I really hope he can take good care of his life by himself...
Though I was very sad in my heart...
Bt I can jz keep it no matter how pain is it...

Sorry if I rd can't give u any happiness...
Don't wry I won't b mumbling around rd...
Cuz I'll b busy later on...
If can find a better Gf start now...
Plz don't hurt n ruin ur own life...

-The End-